#16 Are You at Peace With Yourself?

Are you truly OK with being you?

Not many of us ask this question ourselves, but it is vitally important in how we live our lives. 

Darragh and Ciaran discussed how to get rid of negative emotions, being courageous enough to be yourself, and the impact of Stoicism. 

This, plus lots more, in this week's episode.

We hope you enjoy it!

If you would like to us to talk about a specific topic, don't be afraid to shoot us a DM!

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Transcript

are you at peace with yourself we're about to get pretty deep yeah this is deeper this is deeper

than usual this is uh this is yeah this is gone below the surface now and but I

think it's an important topic and I think this is something this is probably one of the topics that when I set out

wanting to do something like this this is the sort of thing that I really wanted to talk about because I feel like

it's something that most people our age and probably Lads in particular do not talk about at all for fear of uncovering

things within themselves that they don't want to have to deal with um because that's a that's a scary question and not

only is it a scary question but it's also probably something that people don't actually think about um and I

think the less we think about it the probably more harm it does so are you at

peace with yourself it seems like a very simple question but I think there's a probably a million different avenues

that you can go down when you're thinking about that sort of thing you know I might go out on a leg here and

say that I think the majority of people are not at peace of themselves they're

more so at war with themselves and maybe that might be strange for people to think who are just kind of like going

about their daily life like even though you may not be conscious or

self-aware you could still feel that sort of internal like

Dread for life which is probably the worst thing you can do do and I feel

like if you can be at peace with yourself and be content in your own body and your own skin and your own mind like

life itself just gets like so much better um and I don't think this might

be an interesting topic like do you feel like there is ever a point where you

feel completely 100% content within yourself or is there

a time where maybe you get close uh I don't know I think like is this not

one of the closest questions that we can get to when we're talking about like what's the meaning of life like not to get too like cliche or whatever but in

order for like what is it what okay so what we on what's what are we on this planet for like at the end of the day if

we can get to a place where we're contented in ourselves and have strong foundations and relationships and stuff

like that I think that's probably the most important thing we can strive for but I think that's all we can ever do is

strive for it and I I don't know I don't I don't know if you'll ever get to a place

where where you are fully 100% well no actually I don't know

because I think that's quite pessimistic then if you believe that you'll never get to a place where you're completely and utterly content in

yourself I think where why I'm hesitant to say that is because probably coming within a place from me I feel as if that

if and I don't know because maybe I was always motivated by fear failure or like

lack of kind of my own confidence that's what kind of drove me in life um so maybe for fear of

I might get a bit complacent and may not have the desire to strive towards my goals If Ever I got to a place where I

was really complete Within Myself um that's probably why I'm a bit hesitant

to say that but I think it's that I think that's one of the main contributors to what the Journey of life

is is is going on that journey and discovering about yourself and trying to

become more at peace with yourself you know um so I don't know I don't know do you

ever I feel like I feel like you I feel like you can and I feel like in but it I

really do think it's a lifelong journey and I think it's something that you have to actively work at every single day and

I can say comfortably that as and I'm definitely this is definitely

something that I actively try and do and something that I've probably put more focus on in the last couple of years is

putting a real emphasis on working at this and trying to be better at this

every single day um and then I do I do really I'm a firm

believer and this is like this is why I'm I think on like maybe on average I'm

more I'm more happy and I'm a bit more free with him myself I think ever than ever before

um but it does take a lot of work and it's it's an everyday type of thing you know it's not something you can just

kind of pick up and and put down it's something that you really have to actively tackle every day I think you mentioned like

relationships and maybe it's a topic that we can get on to like later on but

I think probably the most important relationship you can ever create and Foster is a relationship with yourself

because at the end of the day like there's only one person who you spend your entire life with and it kind of is

you you know it's the that you have not anyone else and you know relationships

with people with other people come and go but there's only one singular relationship that you have to maintain

and if you have a negative relationship with the brain inside you like your life

could be complete misery um and this was like when I kind of had my first like

realization when I became somewhat aware of my situation

I almost started looking at like my brain as a as a separate

person in a way it's almost like you take a step back outside of your body it's a it's a weird experience but like

looking at yourself in third person as like this character that you can control

and disassociating you know your brain and your body

um and yeah it was it was it was only this time when I really realized that

like I actually need to I need to build and and and improve

the relationship that I have with myself and my brain and like you said actively work on it every single day um you know

looking in the mirror and and seeing somethingone that you're not proud of is is

a is a it's a it's a hard feeling it's a hard you know thing and and eventually

you'll stop looking at yourself in the mirror um and I really feel like if you you know

want to start becoming a piece of yourself you need to be like maybe we'll go through it but

there's like a a level of awareness and a level of Consciousness that you need

to have to be able to be happy and and and be happy within

yourself um I think it's like you said it's definitely a scale that takes time

time and honestly it it probably takes years and I don't think you know I asked you that question do you think you can

ever get to the point where you're fully confident in yourself I'm not sure that there is a point but I think the joy in

in it comes from the pursuit of of this content or this peace and if you're like

actively working on it every single day and eventually you can see the progress that you've made but it's that Pursuit

is is that Journey that you go on to achieve this level of like peace that is

the real peace um cuz I don't think there's ever at a point where you'll

you'll you know sit in your Lamborghini and you'll be like oh I feel extremely at peace now like I don't think that's

probably what happens I think it's you know the consistent journey of of trial

and error and you know what we talked about last week and you know what it takes to win like all of that stuff comp

into one um and I feel like like you said it really is just a journey of

trial and error to get to a stage where you're you're okay you know you're

you're good and and you're you're you're at peace within yourself yeah I think ultimately it

comes down to most of the time and I can only speak from my perspective but I feel like most people

are guil a lot of people are guilty of this too is that like we're so hard on ourselves every single day we're so hard

on ourselves and like you said kind of like extracting yourself from your own body

in order to be like I would not say a fraction of the stuff that I'm saying to myself to anyone else on this planet or

anyone that I cared about like to any of my family I would not say the stuff that I'm saying to myself like on a daily

basis in my own selft talk you know and if you can get to a place where you

understand where like like I'm the only person that like I'm going to be with myself every single

day for the rest of my life and I am I am within like I am making up and the

things that I actively say to myself every single day is making me into the person that I will be in the future and

it's really easy to kind of underestimate the power that that has on you you know um but if you're able to

understand that like the stuff that you're saying to yourself and the things that you believe about yourself are going to be the things that

determine how happy you are in life that's a really important understanding

to come to you know um and I think what I've kind of got

close to now is that kind of I used to strive for and this is why I have a big

thing about people being perfectionists um I think that's striving for Perfection is impossible

and the sooner you can realize that Perfection does not exist and will never exist the closer you'll be able to get

to being content within yourself because you don't have to constantly strive to

be the fastest person in the world the strongest person in the world or have the most Lamborghinis in the world you know understanding that you are

imperfect and you have flaws but in that there's a almost kind of beauty or

perfection in it you know um and I know that kind of sounds a bit Airy fairy and a bit cliche but you are like there you

have flaws and you are imperfect but that is completely okay and all you can do on a a daily basis in its in like in

its most simplest form all you can do is try and strive to be the best person

that you can in each day sometimes that's an A+ effort some days that's a c

minus effort you know but all you can do is put your best foot forward and at the end of the day just be kind

to yourself you know like I think like I was saying like we're all just so hard on ourselves and if we can get to a

place where we're just talking to ourselves a little bit nicer the world would be a fairly better place you

know yeah you really like I'm guilty of it you know I'm I'm

someone who feels like whenever I take a break like I'm getting behind you know

and and sometimes that's good because it can motivate me to get up off my ass and

do things and and I'm glad that that's the case well sometimes it can be too much and

you'll you'll burn out easy enough um and like I

think to get to a stage where you're content in yourself you kind of need to

be and you need to be somewhat like a bit of a loner like you need to be kind of alone

sometimes I think and I feel like there are so many distractions now days that

people feel fill their fill the alone time with so

that they don't have to think you know I talk a lot about like

journaling and stuff like that and journaling is great um because you know you're present in the moment that you

get to really think and and put your thoughts down on the paper but often times because maybe people are so

negative and and hard on themselves if they end up having time alone to think

they just think negatively so again they just don't you know have themselves

become alone so that they just don't have to think and it becomes this vicious cycle and I think I feel like we

mentioned before how sometimes maybe when you're on your walk like don't put your earphones in like don't listen to

music don't listen to the podcast except this podcast don't listen to like you

know your self-help book or whatever like have some time to like be alone and be

fully conscious of your own thoughts because sometimes like if you're not

fully conscious you can almost be like reactive to situations and that can

be pretty bad um I definitely feel like sometimes I if I'm not you know

conscious of my car patterns I can say things or do things that are

almost like not natural because I have haven't processed it and I think a lot

of times some like a lot of times we need time to process thoughts and our

emotions and maybe that takes a minute for you maybe that takes two hours or a

day and and I think to be fully conscious and fully aware of your own

thoughts whether they're negative or positive they're probably going to be negative at the start and eventually

you'll get to a stage where maybe your thoughts are a bit more neutral and a bit more

positive um so I do feel like sometimes being alone is like frown upon and being

alone is kind of this like oh he's a bit of a loner like I don't think there's an issue in

that I think if if if you are want to become you

know a peace with yourself and and you know content in who you are you do need

to spend time alone to work on yourself and like you said it does take time I I

really think that that's probably one of the most important messages that I hope people can get out of this podcast is

that like I think that's the only way in which you can become at peace with yourself is for the most part

being okay with your own thoughts and your own company and for a lot of people

that's really uncomfortable to be alone with your own thoughts and that's why

that's what I I had written down that in our in our notes before this was like is it harder now for people like is it

harder than ever for people to be at peace within themselves because there are so many distractions

like I think the only way to become at peace with yourself is to be within your

thoughts with no distractions at all and that what that does of course it is

because when there's negative stuff going on inside you're really like you are back up against the wall and you

have to face these negative emotions and kind of figure out where they're coming from or why you're feeling them and

that's a SK skill within itself and that's one thing that I would say to everybody is that if someone wants to become more at peace with

themselves become aware of the feelings that you're feeling when something evokes a feeling so I know I said

feelings three times in that sentence but feeling feeling because like if you can become conscious of what you're

feeling in a in some sort of moment when something is evoked and understand where

that emotion is coming from and we're able to become conscious about these emotions and feelings it gives us an

better understanding as to why they're there in the first place um and then overall that'll make

us kind of having this heightened self-awareness um and emotional

intelligence will really help us become more at peace within ourselves because most of the time if we have maybe a fear

or an IR feeling we'll be able to consciously be like okay that's irrational and I know that's not really

the right thing to feel type thing you know you'll be able to get through but I feel like you can only do that when

you're within your own thoughts say when you're going for a walk by yourself you're like okay I'm going for a walk on the beach now I'm not bringing my phone

or my airpods I just had an argument with my mate H over text and I'm feeling

angry but why am I feeling angry well I kind of feel angry because he said this

to me but then I also feel angry with with myself because I didn't communicate properly how I actually felt and

therefore I feel like we didn't I didn't really kind of we haven't set the right boundaries within our relationship to

feel as if we can both communicate to each other type thing you're never going to you're never going to be able to process why you and your mate are

feeling angry at each other or what the fight was in the first place if you go on the walk on the beach and you're just

listening to music or you're listening to an audio book or you're just scrolling on Tik Tok for an hour after

you scrap at your mate you know you need to allow yourself to be with your thoughts and understand because other

and and that's just what happens people just cover up and put a carpet over the issues that we have and the longer we do

that for the more entwined and enang these problems get you know

um and that's a that's a hard thing is being with your thoughts but it's one of the most important things to be able to

do when you want to become more at peace with yourself I hate Texan like I

genuinely think like I hate the fact that like you can't really show emotion through text you

know that be a pretty like sarcastic person yeah and he can't there's no way

you can show any sort of sarcasm through text it's exact same when you have a scrap or you have a fight it's like

there's no way that you can you know solve it cuz you can't convey the

emotion that you're trying to you know feel because if someone you know if let's say you have a scrap and

if someone says to you like uh I'm fine like you could literally take it as

okay this person is okay he's Grant but if if you're if you're having a scrap with someone and you say what's wrong

and they say nothing I'm fine like clearly you can tell mhm when there's something wrong um that's why I hate

text the people like just call me man just call me yeah yeah I think um I think this leads us on to like the

the inability to be with ourselves is one of the most and kind of not being

in peace with yourself I think one of the most significant issues that come that arise

from not being at peace with yourself is when people get into relationships um and maybe just relationships in general

I think it's really hard to get into a relationship if you

haven't come to a realization or began working on yourself um and maybe that

sounds a bit rich and I'm not sure but I I'm a firm believer

in you have to at a bare minimum be okay with

yourself before you love anybody else and I'm hesitant to say the cliche of you have to love yourself before you

love anybody else but I I really do I really do believe in that um and I think

this is this this is kind of a big topic on being okay with yourself is I re I I'm a firm believer and you have to be

okay within yourself before you you give yourself to someone else I don't know what you think about it I'm interested

to hear what you think about it but I just feel that if you have any lingering insecurities and look we all have

insecurities and stuff but if you anything that you're working on or you haven't worked on these things will arise when you're

in a relationship and often times they get projected onto the other person um so if you're if you have feelings of

some sort of insecurity often times I know that'll come out into jealousy within a relationship or um like being

toxic with that other person or manipulating that other person or however whatever issues arve arise in

relationships I feel like a lot of times those issues only arise because you're not actually with peace within yourself

you know um yeah Ian I'm intrigued to hear what you to hear what you think about this but I really think you need to kind of be at a certain place within

yourself before you can get into a a a properly healthy relationship with another person M I think it's it's an

interesting topic like like relationships and love in general can be so deep and and again like looking at it

on a surface level it kind of is the only thing that we're here to do as human beings is is to procreate and to

keep the species going and I think

uh sometimes people get into relationships for the wrong reasons and like you said

maybe they're not happy within themselves so they need to fill a void

by having someone else in there and I think when

you get into a relationship with someone who maybe isn't right for

you it can you can like you said project all these insecurities and all

these things that you're not happy with and I don't want to say it it's like a like

I think as a man like you know we talked about masculinity and I think there is a

point when the there's a point where a man can be vulnerable with their partner and I

actually what podcast it was Chris Williamson were talking about this and he's a great advocate for masculinity

because he he comes out it from like a neutral point of view but he talked about how like men don't want to be

treated the same as women when it comes to like being vulnerable because men don't want the the hugs and kisses men

don't want the you know that type of love men want respect and I think if you

if you come into a relationship and you come at a woman I don't know how it is if you're coming at it from from with

another man but if you come at it with a woman and you're you're too vulnerable

and you're too toxic you're too

I don't want to use the word soft but like you're not happy within yourself she'll see that and she'll

notice that and I don't think that's the right way to have a

relationship um like I said you need to be happy within yourself and then go into a

relationship and I don't think again you maybe you're not you don't need to be 100% content but I don't think the

relationship should be like 50/50 you know like she helps me with this she

I'm vulnerable here and she's like I think it should be 100 and 100 like you're both truly yourselves you're

about truly working on yourselves to be better and if you need that other person

to fulfill a void that you have maybe it's not the best time to be in a

relationship with someone I don't know maybe that answered your question yeah no I I agree with that and I think over

time as I as I've got older and matured a little bit and become kind of a little bit more secure Within Myself I feel

like that's kind of how I've began to see relationships and um as I got older I kind of formed my

own desire for what I wanted my next relationship to look relationship to look like and what I kind of thought

relationship should look like and I came to the kind of opinion that like a

relationship should be two people coming together and elevating both of their

lives together and they're both helping each other go forward I feel like if we're if people

are and absolutely there's times at which in relationships that you need to lean on your partner's shoulder and help

be brought up and vice versa and that's how a relationship works you know but I think you're right if

if if you are feeling a void or a relationship is is there to try and

mask something that is going on within yourself I think that's when problems arise um and look this is tough stuff

that we're talking about because majority of times in life not everyone that gets into not every relationship on

this planet there will be healthy people getting into relationships and stuff and and that's probably 90% of the time you

know and that's and that's that's just how life works and that's okay and but I

just feel as if if you if you can get to a place where you're working on

yourself and you can become and you can begin working on yourself before getting into relationship I feel like you're

putting yourself at at the best chance in order for that relationship to succeed and I feel like it takes it

takes two people to do that because the other person clearly has to be doing the same thing as well

um but I always feel as if you can if I I've always imagined that the

healthiest relationships both people are somewhat secure Within eles and they come together and they elevate each

other's lives I don't want I would never want that person to come into my life and be the overall surrounding factor

and and major factor in my life you know or like as if my life just revolves around that person and then I become

completely and utterly codependent on that person say for all my happiness depends on on their on their kind of

state or I'm completely reliant on that person no like I want I'm an independent

person and ultimately I want that person to come and help me Elevate myself in in the same way that I want to come

together and help make that person the best version of themselves um and I feel

like without being like not being at peace within yourself I think is is sometimes

a barrier to that I I was speaking to someone

recently about this and it's interesting that kind of we've brought up relationships so much and I think again

it's a it's a valid um point

relationships and and being at peace because I mentioned how like I'm extremely busy right now uh with all the

stuff that I am doing and that I want to do and how there's certain buckets in my

life right now that are filled and I and I'm filling them and maybe some buckets are not

getting enough attention um mainly because I am extremely focused

on the other areas of my life life and I think being okay with the fact that like

maybe now is not the right time for relationship because a lot of people are

kind of just always looking for you know let's say the next girl or they're

always just on the lookout for the next whatever and I think if you're happy to

maybe take a step back and and work on some areas of your life and maybe your

business or your job or like these areas work on yourself I think

this is so important because I feel like if you work on

yourself to a point where you know you're on a mission you're you're achieving goals and you kind of have an

end goal someone will kind of come into your life and will like you said Elevate

you know to elevate you to your maximum potential and I think if you maybe

aren't striving for something if you're kind of just sitting around and you're just looking for someone you're probably going to find someone who's on the same

wavelength and same you know desires to just be okay

with being okay and for someone who maybe is you know maybe doesn't want the

mediocrity of of that being okay and take a time away from let's say

relationships to work on the brand and work on school and things like that I

think it's important because and I'm I'm not saying that like relationships and

and and something like that is is not and like this is this goes for a girl

and guys as well you know like friend relationships is those types of things are maybe not something that I'm

consciously working on right now cuz I think again you need to conscious ly work on that you need to consciously

look for for a relationship like that and being okay with taking being

okay with leaving that bucket there to fill the other couple of buckets in your

life to their Max is okay you know um

that's that's where I am right now I don't know you're kind of maybe in a different situation where you have to fill all your buckets do you feel like

there maybe is something lacking because of maybe that's maybe that's a little

tooo deep um no I think um do you feel like

you're being elevated by you know being in a relationship yeah 100% yeah absolutely well that's

perfect and I think it's something that I it's

something that I really put a big focus on before getting into this relationship and before before being in this

relationship it something that I always taught was like that's that's what I wanted and that's that's what I was looking for and

and you're right like in order for you to build and craft a

relationship the best relationship suited towards you that's what it takes it it takes you it takes a crafting and

it takes a molding you the perfect relationship as I said Perfection doesn't exist you're not you don't walk

into your ideal scenario it's something that you lay foundations and and it's something like it's it's you approach it

in the same way that I'm sure you're approaching your whatever you're doing now like working on your the businesses or or or entrepreneurship or or

academics or whatever you're doing right now it takes a lot of time and effort and I don't think like the whole like

love of First Sight and stuff like that like you CH like you choose a person that you want to build that with and in

order to do that that takes work and and

it's it is an amazing journey to go on not saying it's hard work it's it's the best work ever to be able to do that and

that's how I feel right now but it it it does take work to to build that kind of that Foundation of a relationship and

then grow within that and then you bring each other forward um it does take time

and effort and that's and that's something that I'm putting my focus to now and more so than

I feel like if this is an interesting topic and one that has potential to get

deep I think because I always thought that as I as I grew

up I kind of initially had kind of like we've talked about before low self-esteem and whatnot and um and was

not at peace with myself but as I started working on that no sorry and in the process of working

on that whatever all my my greatest achievements came but I feel like the motivator for that was the

motivator for everything that I've achieved say getting to America or whatnot normally say sporting things in my life

have come from that kind of that fire has been ignited from not being at peace with it

myself and I was never I've never been more motivated in my life than those

times and it's something that I I look at it's something that I I toss around

and think about a lot and I I don't know if I'll will ever really come to kind of an understanding of it maybe I will in the future

but I feel like now as my self-esteem has grown and I've

become more at peace Within Myself I've become more at peace within myself over the last number of

years I sometimes feel as if my desire to achieve these great and

extraordinary things the the Fire Within Myself isn't as lit as it once was

because I no longer feel the need to prove myself to the

whole world and to and maybe it's not the whole world maybe it's to myself I know longer feel the need to kind of

prove these things just to validate my own self-worth Within Myself um I'm at a

place now where I feel as if I'm good enough no matter what I

achieve on this Earth I'm good enough and that's been a really really big

learning and and and and and I'm really proud of myself for being able to get to that place but the tradeoff for that is that

I don't know if I'm as motivated now in the things that I'm pursuing now I'm not

saying that in whatever I think now I'm at a stage of my life where I'm coming

to the I'm coming to a transition period and I'm coming to a place where college is almost over and I'm going to have to

shift my focus on my goals and kind of realign some goals and come up with some new goals as I finish college um to go

and Achieve so I think the real kind of learning will be when I

kind of set out on new goals and see how motivated I am then to achieve those goals but I think I'm now at a place

where that Light Within Myself is not as lit as it once was but I just think I my

where I'm at now and understanding that is that it's not for lack of like motivation but I suppose it is because

it's kind of that I just haven't found that new goal to strive towards but in the things that I'm striving towards now

I sometimes don't feel that kind of itch and that kind of burning sensation

Within Myself to go and and this is there there's no way that I can't achieve this like this there's no reason

I can fail here because I'm scared of failing or whatever I'm now at a place where I don't really fear failure like I

I don't really feel as if failing or whatever you think failing is I don't

see that as a reflection on myself or my own identity so that I'm I'm looking for

that new thing to kind of push me and drive me um so it's all about tradeoffs

I think because I'm more secure and at peace with myself now which has allowed me to venture into this relationship

that I'm in now and I have been in for the last year and it's been the happiest year that I've had on my on the 22 years

I've been here on this planet like it's been amazing absolutely amazing but I but but at that at that same time that

kind of drive and and desire to achieve goals maybe is is not there as intensely

as it was maybe four or five years ago I guess get that and this is the beauty of us doing this podcast cuz I feel like

I'm the complete opposite uh because right now

I again similar story like I was only thinking this recently like how like

back when I was a kid like I was good at football like say it how it is I was actually pretty good but I actually

didn't fully believe in myself enough to be able to get to the next level when I

was at home when I was playing when I was a kid you know playing pic whatever I actually didn't fully believe in

myself and I feel like Looking Back Now if I really did believe in myself like I

put in so much work but deep deep down there wasn't there was I just didn't have that like

grit and desire to be the best and that's probably why you know things

didn't work out the way they did but on the flip side over the course of the last couple of years where I have

developed you know self-awareness and and become somewhat confident in my own

skin it's a complete opposite to you where now I have this intense drive and

this intense you know mission to fulfill whatever sort of

goal I can Envision in my mind and again I don't think it's success as this end

goal I think it's just this constant pursuit to to where I want to be but it's that that uh content in my

own self and and being able to say put my hand up and say yeah I want to do this and I don't give a what anyone

else thinks but I'm going to do it and having that like confidence to to be me

and be like be yourself you know I'm not going to beat around the bush and say like oh yeah I just want to kind of live

a simple life and do my job and then retire like I'm saying how it is I don't

want that and and probably a couple of years ago I wouldn't have had the confidence to be able to say that

because I maybe didn't really see it as a possibility when now like I have this again like this intense drive to say

what anyone else thinks I'm going to do it and and maybe that's you know

proven to me or maybe that's proven to other people more so I believe it's more so proven to to me cuz I don't really

have anyone to prove wrong um just yeah anyway no haters but uh yeah it's it's

funny how again it's the complete opposite to you I feel like literally over the last couple of years I have developed this confident and it's taken

a lot and I'm definitely now where I want to be um

and yeah I want I want to tell a story right I was going to let you speak there I'll tell a story uh

I remember and my coach will if I don't know if she listen to this but she'll uh

she'll talk talk to you about how I bring this up a lot I think I might have

actually spoken about this on the podcast but I remember I wondered if like it was the um it was

the the Christmas when I was at home when I kind of had the whole TOS realization blah blah blah I remember I

was in the airport and I was looking I was getting a coffee and

again this is me shy quiet like didn't really know myself but just had this

massive wakeup moment like what the am I doing and I'm in this line waiting to get coffee and I see this guy this

guy walks up orders his coffee he's chatting to the the Baristas and he's

and he's there laughing and he's laughing and he has like he's wearing

like a Lea jacket and he has like long hair and a beard and I'm like like this fell this fell is cool

like like I wouldn't like to look like him but this fell just has this Aura

this like coolness and uh you know I spoke to my

coach about it and we were like like the goal is to get to that where other people are looking at

you and and and maybe maybe it's kind of not not not in like material realistic way but they're looking at you because

you have this sort of like energy and Aura around you that you're completely content in

yourself you know he was asking the bries how their day was and he was fully present in the conversation they were

laughing he was laughing you know obviously the style letter jackets

aren't really my thing but it was just the fact that he was confident in his own skin to wear the letter jacket and

you know wear his boots or or wear the the his hair that way or and and this

it's a it's a marker for me as as the I wouldn't say the end goal but like it's

it's a it's a massive goal of mine to be able to get to that stage where you're you're somewhat you know maybe

95% happy within yourself that you can be fully present in the moment and yeah

maybe you're working on external goals or business or other the relationships but

I genuinely see this version and this person and again we had this

conversation maybe this person didn't even exist maybe this just was a a

vision in my mind or whatever um that's maybe know that's maybe too deep for for

this episode but yeah this was this was it was a very important time for me

because again it was like me being aware of like why is this person like why is

everyone in this line looking at this person you know and um that's like the

vision that I see in the future of like like being content and being at peace

with yourself is that you can convey this sort of Aura and the sort of energy

around you that other people look at you and you're like wow like this guy is

just he's just cool you know um so long long way I'm gr the hair out so that's

maybe step one the beer's coming the I don't know about that now but uh maybe

I'll go to Turkey soon get the get the beard done for no uh yeah this was it

was a that was a mad that was a mad um experience for me and like I said that's kind of one of the main goals to be able

to get to a point where you're like okay within yourself you

know yeah yeah it's funny it's funny to talk about that like I think I think the most important takeaway from what I hear

from that is like you see this fella presenting himself in this

way but if you look at it from the from that guy's perspective and from what I

imagine this Aura to actually feel like is that like he's got

absolutely no idea that you're thinking about it like you he's got no idea that you're thinking this way about him like

when you say like you want to get to a place where you can convey this energy

or Aura on like externally that has to come from a subconscious place like

you're not when from from why what I imagine is like for someone that is completely comfortable with themselves

like that's just that has to be innately maybe not innately but

just ingrained and embedded and hardwired into you so it's not it's not a conscious because I think like if

you're consciously trying to convey that aura that kind of gives off more of a

fake a tillia make it type thing that you don't actually believe it and you're not actually presenting your true and

unconditional self and I think only when you can be unconditionally yourself for who you

are that like that's when the true learning and the true application of

that is coming to to coming to the surface you know I think if you want to

get to that sort of place to be that type of guy you can ABS you absolutely work towards that but it gets to a place

where it's just automatic and it's an unconscious represent of who you are in

order to give off that Vibe and then people would pick up on that and that s Stu but I think people are very smart at

being able to pick apart like yeah that that Ora is not real or that kind of ego

is not real and I feel like a lot of people kind of put on this fake persona

and energy of who they are but I think it's very easy to spot someone who is

unconscious and unconditionally themselves on a day-to-day basis for no

fear or Judgment of anyone else and they're just truly themselves and then also someone who's trying to act as if

they are that you know I feel feel like it's very easy to spot those two um and

how different they are and I think that's what something maybe what we can move on to now is I think that people

that aren't within aren't at peace within themselves there's a lot of representations of this on on the planet

and I think a lot of it comes down to well firstly I think people people that

are guilty of like judging others constantly judging the Judgment of other people I think speaks to an insecurity

within yourself and kind of the not being at peace with within yourself I think if you're constantly

judging like looking and and comparing yourself to others like comparison is the thief of joy you know and I think if

you're constantly comparing or judging others I think that kind of speaks to an a feeling like um uncomfortable feeling

within yourself often think that sometimes the loudest people in the room and the

biggest Egos and sometimes they're deceiving and sometimes you think like Jesus that guy's got a big ego he must

have real a low load of confidence but often times I think that the loudest person in the room is actually the

person who's fighting the biggest internal War um and that kind of desire

to tell everybody how confident you are or show everybody how at peace you are

within yourself I think is sometimes a sign that you're probably not actually that at peace within yourself because you feel that you need that external

validation you know I think true confidence is is an unspoken Aura like

you were talking about and I think that's something that is unconscious and I think it's something that just

automatically vibrates from you you know yeah and I think that's I think that's a hard place to get I think I think it can

be a hard place to get to for someone that's maybe not naturally inclined to be that way because some people some people are and some people are like that

I think it's a small minority but I think if you want to get to a place where you are like that I

think it takes a whole lot of work you know yeah I think like you could probably I don't think there's like a

step-by-step process and how you can get to that level cuz like you said

it is it is unconscious and it is kind of that like you said he has no idea that

I'm thinking that way or that no one else is thinking that way and I think that's the beauty in it because if you're putting on this

fake facade and you're looking at everyone saying

it's like reverse psychology if you're looking at everyone saying everyone's looking at me then your then ego comes into it and

you don't want the ego you want confidence you want um Peace but you just don't want that sort of bigheaded

ESS I think one are definitely the first steps in getting to a place where you

are okay within yourself and like you mentioned getting rid of um judgment and

I think in the same kind of light we can put like shame guilt grief and anger

like these are all kind of emotions and and I feel like if you can take steps to

like remove these feelings and emotions out of your

life like although extremely difficult you will kind of start to see

kind of brighter days if you're constantly holding on to this shame that maybe you don't like the way you look

you're constantly holding on to it and you do nothing to change it it's always going to stay and you're

not going to have that you know level of content within yourself that okay maybe

I look good today or whatever because there's this deep shame and there's this deep guilt in you that maybe I can't

stick to going to the gym or whatever that's just an example and it's the exact same when it comes to anger like

if you're constantly angry at someone this like emotion is like deep

ingrained with you I think there's like studies done as well that you know anger

can be felt on like the cellular level and you know if you are constantly angry if you're stress let's say your body

will hold on to more adapost tissu so like fat cells because again it believes

your body is in this kind of fight or flight situation when in reality you're just angry that your roommate ate your

dinner from last night that was in the fridge so definitely when I one of the

first things I done to get to this was like I started reading stoicism I don't know if you're into stoicism but I

started reading um Marcus arelius he was like a Roman Empire and

um it's very like straight to the point and that's kind of why I love it there's no

nonsense in it and like it's definitely

it can almost people almost think that like if you're stoic you're sort of like

emotionless because of how you react to certain situations so you know something

terrible bad in your life happens and you can say oh well it is what it is people look at you go is he okay like

is he all right like let's say for example like I've been injured for last

nine month or nine weeks and I'm okay with that and they're

like how are you okay you're missing all the you're future and and and I'm just like it's okay it is what it is and like

that comes from Reading stoicism and and being able to understand my

emotions because I feel like by by being introduced to stoicism I actually

understand and feel my emotions more than what I did before even though people may think that you're kind of

like emotionless um and I think like I said if you can get rid of

those if you can get rid of those for or maybe there's a couple more feelings and emotions out of your life and be more

okay with let's say the bad things that happen in your life and not hold on to the anger or the the annoy annoying

things that happen in your life and just say it is what it is is as hard as it is

I definitely think that could be one of the first steps in getting to a stage where you are kind of contending

yourself yeah I think I think it really goes back to being conscious of the feelings that you're feeling like I was

saying earlier like I think one of the most powerful tools we have as humans is an ability to and it's a scale so it

takes work but the ability to understand why we're feeling the way we're feeling and most of time when you have

an understanding of the re those reasons you can

better kind of figure out why and where those feelings are coming from and that allows us to just kind of

problem solve a little bit and most of the time figure like realize that these feelings are coming

from a whole lot of nothing you know um like you said getting angry over the

smallest things and getting to a place where you're okay with bad is going to happen you

know and trying to maybe I don't know maybe it's a maybe it's a case of just for some people not everybody trying to

kind of get rid of that kind of victim complex of everything happens to me and I'm like this is all all this bad stuff

is happening to me and I'm I'm in the center of this and stuff and not everything is as personal as that you

know um I think the biggest one of the biggest things for me for becoming at

peace Within Myself And this is this will be an ongoing Journey forever I think because

just the person that I am is is caring less about what people think of me

and realizing that most of the time no one gives a about you like and I

know I've said that before and that's something that I have to remind myself probably on a daily basis to kind of be

like okay no it's actually all right like no one actually gives about what I do or or the things I things I do

and it's something that I've got I've got better at I definitely was I was really bad it at the start because forever when I was growing up I always

was concerned and conscious of what people thought of me um something that I'm better at now because I worked a lot

at it but and again I'll work on it forever but like you're in you're in control of

your own life and and most of time people are too busy and caught up in their own stuff that's

going on with them with their own problems to give a about you and if you feel judged

or yeah if you feel judged by other people most of the time is coming from an insecurity with themselves and I think that's kind of one of the biggest

things about people not being at peace with themselves is like projection of kind of and Judgment of other people so

if you feel that from other people you need to be able to realize that okay this person is judging me for doing the thing that I want to do or chasing the

dream that I want to chase but they're judging me because they're probably not at peace with themselves and maybe

they're too scared to do what I want to do or they're too scared to do what they want to do you know um so having them

having the ability to just say I don't care what other people think you know or I'm still going to do the

thing that I want to do because I want to do it and I'm not going to let anybody else kind of dictate what I want to do for fear

that they might judge me or or feel some sort of way about me and most of the time if they do feel that way then

they're maybe not your mate or they're not your friend or they're not as close as you may you may once have thought they were

um so just having an ability to I don't know just say it sometimes and just

go after the things that you want to do um regardless of the consequences I think it's really important to to get

better at becoming at at peace with yourselves understanding that like to get at peace with yourself

failure will be a part of that you know um become okay with failing and not

taking failure as a as a judgment of your own self and your own identity because that's all part of the journey

um but at the end of the day all we can really do is try your best on a day-to-day basis

strive for the things that you want to strive for work courageously and and with 100% committed towards every goal

that you want to achieve and at the end of the day the result will look after itself whether it's meant to happen or not it'll look

after itself One Way or Another You may win you may lose or whatever but at the end of the day if you

leave no stone unturned and you look back at

your your work at the end of striving towards a goal and be like I could not have done a single thing more that's all

you can ask for in life and I think that has to be applied towards anything that you do I think we could probably finish on

that one that was very inspirational I feel uh very motivated to get up and edit this this video now so go run a

marathon or something we'll go an Empire go r a marathon with half a hip yeah we'll do that um yeah no I think you

mentioned there like being uh courageous to be you I think

that's a massive thing and and being okay within yourself is a lifelong

journey I think again the only point where you'll maybe get to question that

is like we're going to get moreit here but like on the Deathbed like like you said

at the end of the day at the very end of the day like if you do all that you

maybe could and if you try your best at everything in your life and if you get

to the end and you're like yeah I'm content yeah I'm happy with who I was

and I think if you get to it if if you go through your life and you pretend to

be someone that you're not um and you hold on to things for longer than you

need to you maybe don't you you keep relationships with people that maybe don't serve you you'll get to the end

and you'll be like I could have done more and that is probably one of

the biggest thing that scares me so I don't know if you have any

more chat or any more kind of inut we could keep going but if not I think no I

think I think that's good I think if one if person wants to take one thing

from this from this today's episode it's like if you want to become more at peace

within yourself just as as challenging as it might be and as much courage as you might need be yourself your own

conditional self every single day because you are aware that the

person that you are is a good person and you are good enough for whatever this life has to throw at

you be yourself be who you are and then the right people will come and find you

and it'll take time to to get there it absolutely will if you've got some demons to fight and whatnot but be

yourself unconditionally every single day and that's all you can really ask for um so yeah that's that's what I have to

say there what a chat man I enjo I actually love that um I'll probably go

back and listen to this when it comes out just to again keep myself in check I

really feel like Ely yeah yeah yeah it's it's sometimes it's a bit weird listen to your voice back but I'm kind of used

to it now um but yeah great great chat hopefully people you know are taking

this stuff on board and again we're not really that focused on numbers

right now I think I'm happy with just the fact that we're getting conversations and again this is a

deep conversation like so maybe some people are um too scared to talk about this

year but I'm glad that we could we could do it mhm mhm Absolutely I'll leave it

there so we'll chat to you all next week peace